Category Archive

It was going to happen sooner or later. MySpace chewed me up and spit me out. And they sent me an email saying Sayonara.

This new blog is hosted at FleshBlogger, a free service for sex-related blogging. Thankfully. So I don’t expect to get any more guff for writing about racy things like bondage.

I’m hoping I can back-date posts, because it would be nice if I could somehow repost the “lost” MySpace blogs here.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Current mood: annoyed

When I was in high school, a number of kids had MIA bracelets. Those wearing them told me that the idea was they would wear the bracelet until the soldier named on the bracelet was located.

I thought this was pretty impressive that these teenagers were committing to possibly wearing the bracelet their whole lives if this MIA soldier never turned up. Later I wasn’t so impressed as one by one these kids stopped wearing their bracelets… even though the MIA hadn’t been located.

Around 1990, the Rocky Horror cast I was in, went to a Rocky Horror convention. At one point we were in a large meeting room with many other casts, for the purpose of organizing the casts before the convention show. Sal Piro, a gay guy who’s likely the highest-profile RHPS fan of all time, was running the meeting. He stood up and told us that he was wearing a red ribbon for AIDs, and he was going to wear this ribbon every day until a cure for AIDs was found, and he wanted all of us to pledge to wear a ribbon too. The room was mostly full of impressionable teenagers and young adults, and they all filed up there and very seriously took a ribbon from Sal and pinned it onto their clothes.

My cast sat there and refused to go up and get ribbons. We stated that we didn’t believe that everyone in the room was making a serious pledge. We didn’t believe everyone was going to honor their vow to wear the ribbon until a cure for AIDs was found. We felt these were mock vows, that the flippancy of this behavior was disrespectful to the seriousness of AIDs and the plight of AIDs victims.

Of course everybody in the room got really, really mad at us.

I’m certain none of you are surprised to hear that soon after that, I saw new photos of Sal Piro and — ta da — no AIDs ribbon on his shirt any more. What an ass. And if you look at recent pictures of him, no AIDs ribbon either.

And I’ll bet all his little followers there stopped wearing their ribbon soon after they left that convention.

So… looking back on these two memories….

I don’t know how people can step up and do something symbolic and say “This act symbolizes how serious this issue is, and symbolizes how deeply I care” — and then throw that symbol in the garbage. Don’t they understand that they’re being dickwads — that their behavior disses these causes, instead of honoring them?

Thursday, August 17, 2006
Current mood: whelmed

[this entry includes replies that were received via MySpace]

We’re back, we’re tired, we’re “coming down”… and now it’s dawned on us that the trip didn’t really come through for us this time.

Generally, the annual bondage convention is our one chance each year to try to get away from regular stresses and be a little romantic and re-connect with each other. Somehow this year it didn’t happen; we socialized the whole time, were rarely alone, no romantic dinner occurred, and we didn’t even get any windows of time to have sex!

So I’m vowing right now, to make sure that next year we make time for a little romance.

We did have some fun on the trip. The best part for me was seeing Kiri Kelly after all these years. We’ve kept in touch with emails and phone calls, but seeing her in person and getting to play with the ropes together was absolutely wonderful.

I also shot two sets with attending models, and tied up Pandora during the Friday night party in our room. She must feel really used by me — every time I see her, all I want to do is truss her up

On Saturday night we tried to go to one of those after-hour parties at a local nightclub. As usual the music was so loud, no one could have a conversation. I’ve wondered if this is a “guy thing” — that guys put the music that loud so that a man & woman talking have to get within one inch of each other to hear. Because I got the distinct sense that the guys were enjoying that requirement, but the women were annoyed by it. How fun to have to be brushing breasts up against some guy I’ve just met so that I can hear wtf he’s trying to tell me. Yuck. LOL

I guess another source of downer right now is that I’m having trouble getting the two sick dogs to eat. It’s really no big deal if a dog wants to eat light or skip a meal once in a while. But in the case of a sick dog, where you mix all sorts of important, expensive medications into the dog’s food and then they don’t eat it… Man!

For anyone who’s curious about my bank situation, my site is still operating at half-mast, and apparently it’ll take another two weeks to process my application for the overseas merchant account. In the meantime I can’t link my site to anybody else’s site, and I have to keep adding “consent bondage” photosets for the updates. I’m getting verrry, verrry bored of consent bondage. I’m still a ‘captive’ at heart.

Okay back to the grind, I have several dozen emails here that I gotta research and answer. Grumble grumble grumble… lol

2:26 PM - 6 Comments - 2 Kudos

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Duct Tape Messiah

Ah Kiri Kelly, that takes me back. The mischievious girl next door in my mind’s eye. So the trip wasn’t entirely wasted, although I am curious how you managed to smuggle your *gear* to the location via airplane past airport scanners and security without incident (aside from the security’s obtuse interest in flash bulbs) As to the music, it might be a guy thing but it’s not THIS guy’s thing. I can’t stand totally loud club music that you can hear the person next to you. Ridiculous.

Consent bondage ? Grinning faces behind gags and all that goofy stuff? Not a hint of distress ?? ‘Feh !!

Posted by Duct Tape Messiah on Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 3:59 PM

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Lorelei

The airlines don’t seem to care what’s in checked baggage. We’ve always checked our load of lights, tripods, camera accessories, ropes, ballgags, etc etc with no problem. Oh! This time around, some guy searching our tripod bag DID giggle about the ropes and say something like “Woo! Someone’s gonna have fun.”

Posted by Lorelei on Friday, August 18, 2006 at 1:40 PM

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jim bondage

Add me to your blog.I will give you a nice slap.

Posted by jim bondage on Wednesday, September 06, 2006 at 3:08 AM

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Lorelei

Pardon?

Posted by Lorelei on Tuesday, September 19, 2006 at 12:16 PM

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Monday, August 14, 2006
Current mood: annoyed

Since we’re psychic, once again we were traveling right in the middle of a big security freakout. Whoopee.

Very early thursday morning, we were lined up on the sidewalk and some staffer was wiping down each pocket of each suitcase with a pad before each flyer could check their bags. Some passerby wandered by our line and mentioned that we couldn’t bring drinks on the plane. Everyone on that sidewalk had had to get up and haul ass to the airport far too early to have watched any news reports, so this was handy that some dude mentioned the drink thing to those of us in line.

But of course, it wasn’t until all of us checked our baggage and went inside, that we heard any announcements about not bringing toothpaste etc on the plane. The announcements were hastily thrown together so they went on about toothpaste and creams without mentioning the more prevalent problem items such as lipstick.

So you had tens of thousands of women check all their bags at the curb over the weekend, then get inside and find out that much of the expensive makeup in their purses (dudes, makeup is EXPENSIVE) had to be tossed.

No-brainer: how about a sign on the sidewalk telling women to quickly switch their lipstick/makeup from their purses to the suitcase they’re about to check? How about using the sidewalk PA system?

I thought to myself “Well, it’s just the first day and they’re disorganized. By the end of the day they’ll realize how ridiculous it is that they’re having to confiscate & dispose of all this stuff indoors when they could just get it taken care of out on the sidewalk.”

But no-o-o-o. On Sunday when we came back, the airports were STILL letting everyone check bags on the sidewalk with no signs, no lists & no announcements — so that once they got indoors with their purses, they would have no options when staffers started taking their fluids, creams and pastes.

You may think we should’ve all known exactly what things must be checked, but the lists weren’t obvious, and a lot of people (like ourselves) were at events all weekend and still might not have seen the airline news before flying on Sunday.

One little kid getting on our flight got her playdoh confiscated.

Sunday we had a fun time. 5 staffers peered at Jon’s bag on the xray screen, arguing amongst themselves. A fellow wearing latex gloves pulled us aside and he went through Jon’s bag. As he was opening it he said something to Jon to the effect of “So what are you, some sort of photographer?” To which we both said we were. The guy carefully opened both bulb boxes and gingerly pulled out each light bulb. “We don’t see these very much” he said. I’m sure Jon was thinking the same thing I was. (”What, you’ve never seen a little glass thing with a filament inside it? It’s called a light bulb.”) Then the guy went apopleptic over a small jar of hummus. He didn’t know what hummus was and was all freaked out about the jar. We pointed out that the airline had sold it to us on the previous flight. He didn’t seem to understand. I pointed out that we bought it as part of a snack pack — and he had, just now, taken the jar out of the snack pack (which was a clearly marked box).

So we said, “Look, we didn’t eat the hummus at the time because we didn’t particularly like it. Why don’t you just throw it away so we can move on.” He said no, now he had to check with a supervisor. He had difficulty getting one but finally a supervisor came over, looked at the jar of hummus and gave it thumbs down — and they threw it away without further inspection. Just like we had suggested in the first place. Duh.

Sunday night when we returned to our starting place and were leaving the airport, they STILL were not utilizing sidewalk signs or the sidewalk PA to tell people what objects to switch from carryon to checked baggage. I don’t know why the airports are so stupid. The activity inside would all go much faster if they would inform people sufficiently to have everything taken care of on the sidewalk first. Again, duh!

Alright, I’m done venting! lol

Friday, July 21, 2006
Current mood: beaten down

[this post includes replies that were received via MySpace]

Some folks may have noticed that BedroomBondage is no longer linking to this blog! Nor linking to my bondage forum. Nor linking to my yahoo group. “Hey,” the astute observer says, “Bedroom Bondage isn’t linked to anywhere! And most of the public webpages are missing! Hmm!”

My ex-merchant bank made an offer I couldn’t refuse. They said if I cleaned up my site to their satisfaction, they would take me (& my poor innocent-bystander husband) off the Fraud list, and start rebilling my members again.

This is fairly agonizing for me, but at the moment, I don’t have a choice. They won’t take me off the List unless I come back to them, and my site has to be super-duper-clean for them to reactivate my account. Not only do I need to be off that list, but so does my partner.

I’m boned. (nod to Bender of Futurama)

So, I’ve already “cleaned up” the public area of the site, and by Sunday night, the member area will be partially expurgated as well. On Monday the bank will be calling to see if I’ve performed to their liking.

Once my record is cleared, I’m still gonna search overseas for some other bank. I want my real website back! Waaaaah!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_they_came

–Lorelei

http://www.bedroombondage.com

8:33 PM - 12 Comments - 10 Kudos

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John

Wow that is such bs with what they are doing to you. It does seem like you may have found a loop hole though with making them happy with their stupid ideas of what we all want while you try to find something overseas. I am pretty sure once you get a better backer than these jabroonis things will go back to normal. Wea re all rooting for you and good luck, we know that you can do it and find a way around these morons.

Posted by John on Saturday, July 22, 2006 at 4:47 AM

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Richard

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had to do this to keep your site open. I hope you find a more viable billing company because this doesn’t come across as the kind of bank that you want to continue doing business with.

What can the average person do to fight the growing censorship that we’re under? Sadly, it’s a topic that doesn’t interest the media. The things that are happening are barely being noted. The end result is that more people are debating whether Britney is a good mom than issues like this.

We can write out Senate and Congress representatives, but that’s something few people ever do even when they’re upset over the state of the country. Jay Leno’s monologues, when the FBI unveiled they were going after porn, were probably more effective than what most of us can accomplish. Other talk shows were afraid to touch the issue.

It looks as if HR 4472 is going to become law.
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=h109-4472
This is a bill which has riders attached to it that have nothing to do with child protection. One of the more ridiculous provisions requires new, unreasonable paperwork requirements for tracking every single image on adult websites. When the attorney general told law enforcement agencies, that one of his high priority tasks would be to enforce these new provisions and perform audits of adult producers, these agencies balked. They would have to divert resources, from units needed to go after sexual predators of children, to check paperwork of adult producers to see if they had IDs (mostly driver’s licenses) of all the models/performers they worked with. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the kind of criminals, sexually exploiting children, aren’t checking to see if the kids they’re abusing have driver’s licenses. It’s not as if most of our politicians are geniuses.

Posted by Richard on Saturday, July 22, 2006 at 5:36 AM

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Duct Tape Messiah

Bugger all,

‘Tis a long dark day indeed when the merchants can tell their customers how to behave and not the other way around. Sorry to hear about all this trouble, Lorelei.

Posted by Duct Tape Messiah on Saturday, July 22, 2006 at 6:59 AM

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Chuck

Dear Lorelei, I’m very sorry to hear that the “thought police” have hassled you again. I get a similar problem in Memphis: the schmucks have decided they can tell adults what to look at or read. I sincerely hope you find a MUCH better merchant bank. Regards and Respect, Chuck Foley.

Posted by Chuck on Saturday, July 22, 2006 at 7:23 AM

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Connie

You can sure say that again, it is getting to be that we no longer have any rights, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but we have to get Bush and that crowd out of Washington DC and put a better person in who will stand up for all of our rights.

Posted by Connie on Sunday, August 13, 2006 at 1:04 AM

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ROBOTHIPSTER

“Fraud list?” I have been a member of your site a couple of times .. you never frauded me? What a bunch of a-holes! Hell, the last 6 years have been repression city! Getting worse and worse.

Mark

Posted by ROBOTHIPSTER on Tuesday, July 25, 2006 at 10:08 AM

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Doc - Artist & Writer

This is horrific…. I agree with previous posts; whatever you guys want to organize against bullshit like this, put me on the list and let me know.

Posted by Doc - Artist & Writer on Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 11:32 AM

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Kris Johnson

Fuck ‘em. Do what you have to do in the short run, but don’t sacrifice what you really want to be.

Mad respect for looking out for your husband in the deal. You’re a stand up person.

Now straighten this out so we can all prove stand up people that are into kinky shit can win too.

Yours in the fight…

Kris

Posted by Kris Johnson on Sunday, July 30, 2006 at 11:39 PM

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Phreestyle

I thought the USA was supposed to be the land of the free. What the hell is happening when bankers become the watchdog of morality? What training do they undertake in ethics and morality that allows them to make judgements about what intelligent thinking humnan beings should or should not see?
This situation strikes me as a very slippery, and very dangerous, slope and a futher erosion of personal freedoms.
Oh well take your cash to Europe and deny these wankers (oops sorry, bankers) the use of your money.

Posted by Phreestyle on Friday, August 11, 2006 at 8:38 PM

Saturday, July 15, 2006
Current mood: miserable

I don’t want to be the crazy bitch who forces medicine into my dog for the final months of her life. I want to be the lady who sits with her and pets her and comforts her.

Instead, at the moment, Alex views me as that asshole who keeps putting weird crap in her mouth and in her food.

Every 4-6 hours there’s something or other on the schedule that forces me to act like an idiot in her eyes… some days she won’t eat so I have to crush the pills, mix them with honey and smush the honey on her gums and tongue so she can’t spit out or avoid her medicine. We also have little tubes of liquid painkiller to squirt it on her tongue. She’s quite annoyed with us. We’re not even overdoing it; the vet discontinued most of her meds and pared us down to only the most essential, so as not to harass her any more than necessary.

She’s not “near the end” — the reason she avoids food is she now has an ulcer from all those years that she was on meds back when she had leukemia.

Lately she’s vomiting blood so all we can do is keep getting painkillers and antibiotics into her. Then last night she really wanted to eat, but the vet said I couldn’t feed her yet. Alex got really frustrated with me and threw a tantrum of sorts. She must think I’m a complete dimwit to “forget” to feed her 2 meals in a row.

4 am we get up and give her two medicines to coat her stomach, so that we can try feeding her at 6 am. 5 am I’m still awake and so is she, so I figure, Hey here’s a moment where I can sit and pet her and be her friend instead of doing something she hates. I go over to her to be with her, and she sees me coming and gets up and wobbles away to go hide from me.

So now she doesn’t want me to come near her because she feels like I’m just bad news.

It sucks being this kind of “mom”. On the other hand, if I stop giving her the painkiller she’ll have terrible stomach aches. If I stop giving her the stomach coating, or ignore the vet instructions in how/when/what to feed her, she’ll go into another horrific phase of vomiting blood. If I stop giving her the antibiotics she’ll die of a massive infection of the bladder & urethra. So I have to keep being the “crazy bitch” in her life.

But this isn’t the relationship I want to have with her for her final months. She doesn’t want to be with me. I miss having her regard me as a friend. I want to cuddle her.

Monday, July 10, 2006
Current mood: annoyed

[this post includes replies that were received on MySpace]

While I was out of town, the bank terminated my Bedroom Bondage website’s merchant account on Friday — without warning.

For those who aren’t familiar with what that means, a merchant account is what a seller uses to accept Visa/Mastercard from customers.

I phoned them today and they said the content on my website was unacceptable. I pointed out that my content had not changed, and that it was the same as it was last year when they accepted my account. She didn’t reply to that. I asked her if their guidelines had changed. She didn’t reply to that. I pointed out that my customers paid (through them) to receive a certain product and as a seller didn’t I have a responsibility to those customers to provide to them the product they paid for? She didn’t reply to that. I mentioned this was rather sudden and couldn’t I have the standard 30-day notice before termination? She said no, this was immediate termination.

Another fun fact is that when a merchant account is closed, any money the bank has that belongs to the seller, is then held for 9 months “just in case” it’s needed for any refunds. So the income they recently collected for my site will now be in their hands for 9 months.

They told me I could clean up the site and then apply for reinstatement. I’ve decided not to do that. If they approved my content last year and now they’re telling me to delete some of it, who knows what more they’d make me delete a few months from now. Perhaps if I were just a generic business owner of some kind, I would do whatever my merchant bank wanted, but my websites have always reflected what I personally am into — they’re a slice of me — and I’m not up for symbolically cutting myself up and casting off some fingers and toes of who I am.

Like many other beleagured bondage sites these days, at the moment I’m looking into billing services offered in Europe. I do have an account with Verotel but I’m not sure I want to put all my eggs in one basket. We’ll see.

Now signing off,

The disgusting lady who’s into bondage and all that stuff (lol)

–Lorelei

9:18 AM - 17 Comments - 15 Kudos

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marDizzy

Not easy being you.
-m

Posted by marDizzy on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 9:26 AM

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Dark Minded Promotions™

That is so messed up. How dare they do that. In fact, i don’t think it is legal. What are you planning to do for your paid accounts now?

Posted by Dark Minded Promotions™ on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 9:34 AM

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Lorelei

This is very legal. For the past few years, many merchant banks have been doing this.

Legally they have the right to say what other companies they want to do business with and what sort of content they will accept.

Over the weekend some of my members’ accounts “got lost” because of this so I put them on a temporary manual membership. I don’t want people losing their favorite username just because my renewal system is messed up by this development at the moment.

Not sure what I’m gonna do yet. Will keep everyone informed.

Posted by Lorelei on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 9:43 AM

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Pete Puma

In my book, there is nothing worse than puritanical hypocrites! It’s obvious your bank is filled with these vermin. I’ve no doubt that if the banks books were to opened to the light of day, there would be represented those far worse than some tasteful (and quite alluring) bondage imagery. I’d wager that they are still customers and no doubt getting their asses kissed.
Why? They are big business. Trust me, the only “acceptable content” a bank is concerned with is the content of the green and folding stuff in their vaults.

Hank in there Lorelei!

Posted by Pete Puma on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 9:50 AM

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Charlzm

I understand that they can do what they like as a business, but I am disappointed nonetheless. I also understand the anger others feel about, but really, what can be done?

Move to another bank. No amount of cajoling will get them to reverse their decision, so best to move on.

Sad, though.

Posted by Charlzm on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 10:56 AM

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Chuck

This Stinks! Another fine example of Big Brother regulating personal stuff. You’d think you were some kind of anarchist. Which, by the way, I learned something two months ago from a member of another support group of mine. It seems that for every one agent investigating terrorism, 100 are investigating the sex industry, which I guess includes all of us. OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK! Chuck.

Posted by Chuck on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 12:27 PM

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Duct Tape Messiah

My sympathies,

Welcome to the new kinder, gentler, safer America of George W. Bush. Where we are free to express ourselves as the companies tell us to and exposing government spying on it’s own citizens is bad for us.

Posted by Duct Tape Messiah on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 1:00 PM

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John

.. width=”425″ height=”350″> src=”http://www.youtube.com/v/YyBjmeGD7ZE” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” width=”425″ height=”350″>..>

Posted by John on Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM

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Lorelei

Thanks for your thoughts Paypal does not permit any adult-oriented products — they drop-kicked me a coupla years ago.

In the current climate it’s become close to impossible for a bondage company to get any billing service within the U.S. We’re all being quietly shoved overseas. LOL

Posted by Lorelei on Wednesday, July 12, 2006 at 11:48 PM

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Donald

well that sucks. Effing bankers

Posted by Donald on Friday, July 14, 2006 at 1:56 PM

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WestBound

Holding on to the money “just in case” they have to pay someone back?. 9 months interest will net them a nice little profit from that lot. Money grabbing bastards!!!!

Chin up girl, we all appreciate how much you do for us bondage devotees and love you for it

Posted by WestBound on Friday, July 14, 2006 at 5:14 PM

Thursday, June 08, 2006
Current mood: annoyed

[this post includes replies that were added on MySpace]

Someone called me “sweetheart” today and it reminded me once again of a pet peeve.

Over the years I’ve occasionally run into men who will call me honey, darling, sweetheart, babe, stuff like that… all sorts of nicknames that I expect from a boyfriend or husband, but not from a male acquaintance or a stranger.

One guy did it for a long time — someone who was renting the studio every month — and I tolerated it because I needed the money and didn’t want to make waves, even though being talked to like a bedmate made me squirmingly uncomfortable. Finally he called me an endearment in front of my boyfriend, and it was time to say something.

Whenever I say that men shouldn’t do this, they always think I’m overreacting. They say it doesn’t mean anything and it’s not meant to be sexist or territorial or demeaning etc.

But here’s what I think of it. I have never, ever seen any of these guys call some other guy they just met “sweetheart”. That means the namecalling is gender based — it’s sexist. If they’re not my boyfriend or my husband, I don’t think it’s appropriate for them to be addressing me with a sexual/gender pet name. I’m not their pet.

How would one of these guys feel if some man had just met them and started calling them Sweetie? Wouldn’t they feel a little uncomfortable? Yes? Then how come I’m supposed to feel perfectly comfortable with it? I’m no more interested in being their Sweetie, than they want to be the Sweetie of some guy they’ve just met…

I’d like to hear from other women about this.

2:02 PM - 10 Comments - 5 Kudos

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cyber_tease

I’ve known men who would react aggressively, perhaps violently, to being called “sweetie” or “darling” by another man. Because they would interpret it as a form of unwelcome sexual overture, and an inference of their sexuality. Yeah, you could say they find it uncomfortable and offensive, emasculating even.

In my opinion, the men who indulge in calling a woman acquaintence by sexual/gender pet names do so from the assumption that women like to be addressed this way because they need to feel “petted” and/or need male approval. Also, in addressing them with a generic/pet name rather than their given name they are removing the woman’s identity and individuality. It’s an attempt to disarm and establish authority over the woman.

My personal view is that it’s discourteous and disrespective to assume such familiarity with anyone with whom you don’t have a close affectionate bond regardless of gender.

Posted by cyber_tease on Thursday, June 08, 2006 at 4:26 PM

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Lorelei

That’s interesting what you added about removing a woman’s identity with the namecalling. It suddenly dawned on me that in some cases, there may be men who can’t remember my odd name, or can’t remember how to pronounce it. LOL!

Posted by Lorelei on Thursday, June 08, 2006 at 6:15 PM

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Jungle Man

Note to self: If I ever meet Darla at a con, don’t call her sweetie…

I am one of those people that use these terms, it’s something that I think I picked up from my Grandfather who always used it around strangers, and this is honestly the first time I have EVER heard anyone complain about it. I can easily see that there are people who would misuse it in a condescending, greasy vile way as a means of objectifying you, but I think you both are reading waaay too much into it when it comes to how it is used by most people. Would you be as upset about it if it came from a woman? Because odds are it would have the exact same intent behind it: a simple term of friendship.

I am not trying to say that you are wrong in thinking like this, we all have our little quirks and things that get to us, just try and think about the fact that most of the people who use these terms are not trying to attach a negative vibe to it. They simply want to make a positive verbal connection somehow and they try to do so in this way.

Posted by Jungle Man on Friday, June 09, 2006 at 1:12 PM

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Lorelei

Hmm… You ask if I would be upset if a woman who didn’t know me well, started calling me pet names. You’re changing the question. If someone who is a head taller than you — maybe even two heads taller than you — and about 80-100 pounds heavier than you, calls you a pet name without having asked if it’s okay… do you feel absolutely comfortable asking them why they’ve decided to do that instead of using your name? Because that’s the situation that men put women into. Men should be aware that they can automatically intimidate women who don’t know them very well — simply because they’re larger, heavier, and have an unknown disposition at that point.

If a woman calls me a weird name, I’m not so nervous about saying something.

Posted by Lorelei on Friday, June 09, 2006 at 5:05 PM

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Richard

Hopefully, you won’t mind a guy commenting on this blog.

I’ve always considered those types of nicknames as often being mildly condescending in tone. It’s why I don’t use them. Haven’t you seen a lot of male domination videos where the guys are using terms like that? There isn’t any loving connotation to the term in those instances. Jay Edwards is always using “m’dear”, “darling”, and other pet phrases like that when he’s talking to a captive in his videos.

That’s not how it is all the time. Occasionally, you’ll see a guy using it in an affectionate, but not intimate fashion. Sometimes, there’s a cultural element to it. There was a period when Brits often used the phrase “darling” to both men and women in a nonsexual friendly fashion. For a while, it was a stereotyped gay exclamation.

I have a distaste for backslapping in the workplace environment. There is a real social pecking order to whom backslappers touch and it’s always somebody at their work level or below. When a coworker slaps somebody’s back, they’re saying they are in charge. It’s rarely done to a person above their social status. These pet phrases are sometimes wielded in a similar fashion. The person, using it, is sometimes being derogatory and designating their perceived status against another.

Have you ever had one of these terms of endearment used by somebody, other than a partner, where it didn’t bother you? I’m wondering if delivery, from certain people seems okay to you depending how they do it and what your relationship is to that person. For example, I’ve often seen you and Dorothy greeting each other as “chickie” and similar phrases. Maybe it’s okay in a girl-girl fashion. Has a guy said it in a fashion that didn’t get on your nerves? It would seem, to me, to be okay in certain situations where you know the person, understand how the person talks, and understands that there is no deliberate or unconscious agenda to the phrasing.

Context is important. Using those kinds of phrases with people that aren’t known is a dicey way to go. There is no known context in those situations and the wording could be insulting, familiar, intimate, or anything else. There is no way to readily determine the person’s intent.

A writer should have the sense not allow those types of ambiguous terms into their dialog. For the post, in question, it comes across as slightly insulting, particularly by a person using “shifty” as a username. Calling a woman, in her 40s, “sweetie” almost comes across as calling you childish. It’s as if the writer is mildly putting you down and will now provide you with adult advice because “sweetie” isn’t quite grown up enough to understand what he’s talking about. The rest of the post didn’t strike me as insulting or intentionally irritating, but the “sweetie” thing just doesn’t seem right in the post. It’s hard to determine whether or not the poster was trying to be denigrating. When terms of endearment are used in writing, you always have to question why they’re used at all. They take some small amount of finite time to enter and add nothing to the discussion. Their usage at all often seems to carry an intentional context to the petname and it’s usually not in a good fashion.

Although sweetie, babe, and honey aren’t usually used between guys, sweetheart occasionally has been used in old gangster movies. Other terms, such as dog, dude, and assorted curses are often used between guys. Those terms similarly mean different things based on tone and relationships.

Since these pet terms can be taken in a negative fashion, it’s best not to use them. Until the recipient has a clear understanding about the context of how and why the term is being used, it’s very easy to take them in a negative fashion.

Posted by Richard on Thursday, June 08, 2006 at 9:45 PM

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Whiplash Studio.com

Again another guy to jump in here on this one.

I think to a degree it has something to do with where you live. Here in Texas, “sweetie, darlin’, honey” they’re all names I commonly use with complete strangers, and yeah mostly women, but in the same right, women tend to call men the exact same names here. It’s like part of our local dialect, not meant to offend or condescend to anyone. It’s really no different from “Howdy” or “Y’all”. And yeah, it’s something we only use with the opposite sex, but so are the terms “he” and “she”. Does that seem simplistic? Yeah, but that’s because it is. What kind of fascinates me about this topic is it shows just how different people live in this country. What is completely acceptable in one part of the country is not so much in another. It’s like being able to travel the country and not find a Taco Beuno somewhere (which I’m sure some of you have no idea of what that is).

Now to e fair, when someone does voice their dislike for these names, I apologize, explain to them no harm intended and respectful cease using such names. The last thing I want to do is put someone off and I think the right thing to do is respect someone’s wishes in how I address them, I mean I often ask people not to call me “Tom”. It’s just not a form of my name I’ve ever answered to and would prefer not to. Now what I do find to be humorous at this point is on the rare occasion someone does ask me not to refer to them in such a manner, it’s someone who’s a friend of a friend or someone I see more than once that has asked me, 9 times out of 10 they later tell me it’s ok because they feel weird I talk to everyone else in one way and them in another.

This is why I say you should stand your ground L. If you don’t care for any of these names, then continue to say so. There’s nothing wrong with that and by no means is it over reacting to simply ask someone to stop doing so. I would hope most people would respectfully honor your wish and refrain from doing so. I know I would find nothing wrong with such a request and only ask that you forgive me if I slip up once or twice, its habit for me.

Posted by Whiplash Studio.com on Friday, June 09, 2006 at 9:05 AM

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Crystal’s in Love!

i agree with cyber tease.

on a side note, though, i work in the medical field, and know that I have called both sexes “sweetie” or “honey” at one point or another. And it is more of my way of being nice to the patient, and letting them know it will be OK, in my own weird way. There is no sexism behind my Terms Of Endearment, but with men, it is absolutely gender-based. i have never seen any man call another man sweetie or honey. It does shed a different light on it when thought of it in terms of men stripping away our identities by doing it. Definitely food for thought.

Posted by Crystal’s in Love! on Saturday, June 10, 2006 at 9:25 AM

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Wes

POWER TO YOU

well im not a woman and you have no idea who i am but if a guy refers to you with an endearment such as hunny or sweetie regardless of who he is you shouldnt be concerned about making waves just be and say what you feel if it makes you uncomfortable you shouldnt put up with it just because you need money there will always be someone else ready to take up where the last left off. but this is coming from someone who lives across the country from you and cant guarantee that anything of what i said can or cannot turn against you. The key is CONFIDENCE. NO ONE will oppose refering to someone by thier actual name if you are confident about asking them not to call you ‘hunny’ i hope that i could help for future confrontations. -DaemonKlo

Posted by Wes on Friday, July 07, 2006 at 10:53 PM

Sunday, April 30, 2006
Current mood: annoyed

I keep getting emails on this, so I’ll just address it publicly for the last time.

There is no real Andrea Neal on myspace.

Here are some tips to help you when evaluating fake Andrea Neal myspace pages. Of course, as soon as the fake Andreas read this, they’ll try to fix their pages, but…

*Andrea was a very reserved person. She didn’t swear. The fake profiles like to have her calling other people names and swearing. As if!

*No, she does not have a boyfriend. Some of the other ‘personal’ touches on the fake myspaces are likewise bull.

*Andrea worked by the hour for photographers, and she never had her own photographer. So she didn’t own the copyright to any of her modeling pics. Some of the fake profiles are sporting pics labeled “copyright Andrea Neal”. That’s impossible.

*Andrea is currently in a new career in which her old modeling career is NOT a plus or something to emphasize. She will NEVER, NEVER put up a myspace page reminding people of her old career as a model. People who are making fake Andrea pages are jerks who don’t respect the real Andrea’s wishes.

There you have it.

–Lorelei

P.S. I have tried to get myspace to delete the fake profiles, without success.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Current mood: frustrated

Ashley just got her myspace page going and it got deleted. Her bondage pics were all fully dressed but maybe myspace didn’t like ‘em anyway.

Ashley plans to start another myspace page when she has time… I’ll send y’all a heads-up when that happens.

Sunday, April 02, 2006
Current mood: giggly

[This entry includes all the comments that were added at MySpace]

Rich Reynolds wrote this in another forum and it totally cracked me up:

” I’d still love to see somebody, running a[n unauthorized] photo-sharing site, either buy some material, or shoot their own, and share the photos for free– and allow others to post those photos wherever they want. It would be nice seeing them sharing content they paid for instead of content somebody else paid for. For some odd reason, when it’s their money on the line, they’re not so willing to share. All their justifications about a free internet and valuable promotion go out the window. “

Rich put that so well. I’ve had quite a few image-thieves tell me I should either be grateful to them because they ‘advertised’ me, or they say that everything on the internet should be free. Yet Rich has a point — have any of those people ever paid a model by the hour and then given away the results… and rights?

If anyone knows of someone who did, please let me know. It would be cool to know of an exception.

–Lor’

12:34 PM - 12 Comments - 3 Kudos

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Jungle Man

Wellll, this may not be exactly the same thing, but internet artists such as MR. X and Nightwing 316 certainly do spend their money on programs such as Poser, as well as spending their own time, to provide quite a bit of material for people completely free of charge. True they have pay sites as well, but I’m sure in their mind they are 2 completely different animals.

Posted by Jungle Man on Sunday, April 02, 2006 at 1:07 PM

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Charlzm

Hang with me for a minute. I’m long-winded, but I have a point.

The people who take photos used in fashion magazines, make television shows for networks or record for major record labels don’t try to sell their wares directly to the public. They have a distribution network to do that for them. Or, more in line with reality, a distribution network has the creative types to do the work of providing content for them.

As we all know, Napster killed that model. It’s still intact and working, but the poison has been ingested and its days are numbered. People want the freedom to choose what entertainment they will consume and when and where they will do so.

Major distribution channels will adapt in some way, but there is a really good chance that, in the intermediate future, there will be no (or very few) actual record stores, Blockbusters, multiplexes or newspapers.

This is sad, just as it was sad that the village blacksmith and the buggy whip makers went out of business when horses were supplanted by cars. But it’s going to happen any time there’s a major change in the way the world works.

So, combine the internet and peer-to-peer distribution and the joint consumer feelings of “I want it when/where/how I want it” and “I’ll get it for free if I can”, and we have the recipe for the end of the old model.

So… how does this affect Bedroom Bondage.com? I can’t really say. But to pose the argument of “if people had to pay to make it, they wouldn’t be so quick to steal it” I think sort of misses the point. Yes, it’s a valid viewpoint. It’s a variation on the golden rule and I fully believe it to be true. But I don’t think that’s the solution.

There will always be those who will take advantage of another for their own gain. The easier it gets (internet), the more often it will happen.

I used to work at a record store. And a movie theater. I saw the writing on the wall and I moved on (true, for various reasons other than this, but those are not growth industries). Perhaps all the internet sites we love will do the same.

It’s hard to predict, since porn is the last big industry that big industry doesn’t want to get into. Maybe they’ll just try to crush it out via regulation. Oh, wait, isn’t that already happening?

I don’t have a solution, but the problem is both bigger than the golden rule and yet based on it as well. I’m curious to see how it all plays out. As the Chinese curse says, “May you live in interesting times.”

Posted by Charlzm on Sunday, April 02, 2006 at 1:26 PM

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Whiplash Studio.com

While I like what Charles point, there’s one flaw in it: When the people who pay to make it (photos, movies, music whatever) stop making it because other are giving it away for free online, then why make it in the first place? When it becomes unprofitable for someone to make a movie or for L to take photos like these, then were are the pirates going to get the stuff to post. If movie theatres and record stores go away, then why are musicians and movie makers going to keep making movies and music if they can’t make money off of it? They won’t and when they go away, this “free” internet market is going to go away as well. Someone has to spend money to make the entertainment for someone else to be able to steal it and put it up for free. I think the argument of “if people had to make it that wouldn’t be so quick to steal it” is right on the point. If the people making it went away, the people stealing it would have no one to steal it from, thus, no product to post online. There will always be someone out there making it and unfortunately always someone out there stealing it.

Posted by Whiplash Studio.com on Sunday, April 02, 2006 at 2:20 PM

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Charlzm

Snidely/Tom:

There will always be new blood coming into any industry. “American Idol” is the biggest thing on TV, yet album sales are down and not getting any better. There will always be ways to entice new dreamers into the factory. It’s just going to be tougher for them to get in and tougher for them to stay in.

Movie attendance is down and going down. Sales of recordings in brick-and-mortar locations are down and getting smaller. This isn’t supposition; it’s happening and has been for years.

I’m not suggesting that people will stop trying to make movies or record music. I’m saying that they will find news ways to create product and new ways to distribute it to the consumer will be created or developed.

Look at internet porn sites: when a new venue for distriubution opened up, there were the porn makers. They were among the first to creat direct-to-consumer video content. I’m sure they helped push a revolution in publishing to make small, niche magazines profitable (as Robert Q. Harmon how he did it back in the 70’s).

My point is that the tried and true will remain that way. People will always want to consume their chosen entertainment. But who makes it, how it gets to the consumer and how it will be paid for are all in flux.

I sincerely hope Lorelei and our other favorite websites find a way to stay ahead or at least keep up with the change.

Posted by Charlzm on Sunday, April 02, 2006 at 7:30 PM

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Duct Tape Messiah

*Raises his hand*

I did it. I did it as a form of viral marketing for a website that no longer exists thanks to new federal laws and my latent desire to protect friends from government idiots with tin badges. Also did it to throw a small gauntlet in the face of presumption that it can’t, it shouldn’t, it mustn’t. And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. I guess the thrill of being an amatuer is that you can focus on your love of the creation and no so much the potential cash you can be making. Ce la vie

Posted by Duct Tape Messiah on Sunday, April 02, 2006 at 4:27 PM

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Richard

Most paysites give away free material because it’s a nice way to let potential customers know whether or not they’d like what’s on the site and they’re not paying for something that’s a complete unknown. Somebody sharing their own work isn’t an issue. The issue is with somebody deciding it’s okay to share someone else’s work. That sharing isn’t limited to only posting the free promotional samples–it’s sharing sets right off the paysite.

What spurred my post, in Lorelei’s BB club forum, was a poster intimating that it was okay for sharing sites to distribute photos from paysites because it was free advertising. It’s not just the photo sharing that’s annoying, but the grating self-rationalizations that photo sharers have that they’re somehow doing producers a favor by giving away their material. I’m sure that they go to bed crying themselves to sleep because of all the ungrateful photographers who don’t appreciate their tireless unselfish devotion to promoting their work. I always wonder if they believe their own bull.

A lot of photo sharing sites have mission statements about how they respect the work of the paysites they’re “promoting” and how, if somebody likes what they’re giving away, they should join the site (like the sharer with dozens of sites stealing photos must be doing). Any time a producer asks them to stop posting their work, the real colors come out. Suddenly, the true petulant childish nature of the sharers is out in full force as they blast and insult the producer for daring to tell them to stop giving away the copyrighted material for free. Somehow, these sharers mysteriously know all the sales figures of the producers, whose work they steal, because they always seem to be absolutely certain that they’re increasing those sales by giving away photos they don’t own. Nobody ever sees these people putting their money where their mouth is–they’re much more comfortable putting somebody else’s money there. The few times that a photo sharer has gone pro, and saw their paid images being posted on the net for free, words like “sharing” and “promotion” were replaced with “stealing” and being “ripped off”. They didn’t seem to believe anymore that giving away paid work was a sure-fire means of increasing sales–or at least not when it was material that they bought and paid for. Payback be a bitch.

The simple reality is that photo sharing sites are put up to get free photos and the people doing it couldn’t care less about the impact on the people’s works that they’re stealing. All they care about is getting stuff for nothing. They don’t care if it hurts the business of the people who created the images. It would be nice to see them stop pushing their self-lies.

With the FetishCon in Tampa, anybody, with the desire to be a bondage photographer, can hire a model and shoot whatever fantasy they want to see. Just once, I’d love to see one of these sharers hire a model long enough to do two sets and put them both up on a token site. The first set would go up without sharing the photos. They second should be put up on their sharing site and then, after a few months of being given away for free, placed on the token site. That way, if they’re not bright enough to figure things out all by themselves, they can find out once and for all that giving away one of the sets doesn’t result in increased sales.

I’m not trying to bust on people who visit sharing sites for photos, but don’t post stuff they don’t own. I understand that people getting something for free would rather do that than pay for the same thing. They’re not helping me earn a living off my photography, but at least they’re not giving away the material I paid for.

As far as there being a new business model, that will eventually happen between using the law to go after copyright violators and forcing computer manufacturer’s to put in copyguarding hardware on all computers. The technology that makes it easy to share can also make it impossible to share or even own digital content. That, sadly, is the direction that things are going. It’s already been done to VCRS/DVRs. It’s only a matter of time till it happens to computers. New video cards are already being designed to prevent watching hi-definition movies on computer DVD drives. There will always be a way that a few people will get around the technologies and those are the people that the law will go after.

This isn’t the way I want things to go, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not a player in the copy protecting world–that’s something that only the big companies can do. My only recourse is to stop selling my photos. As is, the $8-$9 a day I’m making in token sales (the sum of all the incomes from dozens of sets) makes it hard to want to take the time to photoshop new sets.

Between the legal threats of obscenity prosecutions, credit card companies censoring what their cards can be used for, and ever increasing sharing, more and more fetish photographers and models are going to disappear. Censorship is making it harder to earn money from customers willing to pay and sharing sites are taking away potential new customers and drawing away former paying customers. If it was just one threat, maybe fetish producers and models could survive, but a two-pronged attack chipping away at what little money is being made is going to knock out most of the small players and eventually even the larger ones. Companies, like Harmony, have cut their staffs and no longer have a stable of salaried video directors like they did a half dozen years ago. The thing that’s really sad is that the cost to actually purchase photos isn’t all that bad. Somebody can join Lorelei’s BedroomBondage site for $16 and be able to download 9,000 photos. There isn’t a pictorial bondage book or magazine that can be bought with that kind of deal (if there even is something out there to even purchase anymore).

I never expected to get rich photographing my fantasies (it’s a shame at being right on that count). I was hoping I could at least make back the costs of shooting them and I’m just barely doing that right now. If it gets to a point where it’s not worth putting new material up for sale, dropping out won’t be a big deal. I’ll still have all my photos to look at and that’s the main reason I got into it. I’m more concerned for other photographers who count on those sales to make a living.

I won’t hold my breath too long for a photosharer to actually share something they paid for.

Posted by Richard on Sunday, April 02, 2006 at 6:09 PM

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Duct Tape Messiah

Take a look at the post above yours…..

Posted by Duct Tape Messiah on Sunday, April 02, 2006 at 7:21 PM

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Richard

I saw your post and couldn’t make much out of it. You did viral marketing, whatever that is (spam?). What laws made the site go away (2257 requiring proof of ID when photos were being used and only the original copyright owner has the proof)? You haven’t outright said that you gave away photos you paid for even if you’re alluding that you did. There aren’t any in your profile to indicate that you have any original material. You didn’t name the site that’s now defunct. I’m not sure what gauntlet you threw “in the face of presumption that it can’t, it shouldn’t, it mustn’t.”–the website?–the photos?–not the gov’t because the site folded rather than face risks of whatever unspecified new laws you were worried about.

I’ll have to wait for some clarification from you or somebody else that might have better understood what you said. If you’ve really given away your own photos on your photo sharing site, that’s great. You’re a rarity. It still wouldn’t make it right to give away photos that others depend on deriving income from. If you really like and respect the photographers, whose work your using, you’d ask permission to use some photos and respectfully not post them if they don’t want them posted. Anything else is disrespectful. Don’t expect anybody to believe that you’re doing them a favor if you’re using their images without their permission. Paysites will post some images for promotional purposes, but I don’t know of any sharing site that limits sharing to only those photos. I don’t know a single photographer who thinks it’s okay for any and all of their photos being up for grabs. It’s one thing for the copyright owner to share some, or all, of their photos. It’s another to have others posting them against the desires of the owner. Since you don’t mind sharing your photos, where might they be seen?

Posted by Richard on Sunday, April 02, 2006 at 10:06 PM

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Richard

It all seems to be part of a malais that is affecting the country–which is a sense of undeserved entitlement. I don’t mind that somebody wants free stuff. I want free stuff. The difference is that I don’t expect to get a lot of free stuff and don’t get all bothered and angry when it’s not forthcoming.

More and more, it seems as if we’re dealing with a society that, not only wants things (which is not bad), but expects them as a given without ever having earned them. That’s the problem with angry whiners who feel they’re owed free photos. Not only do they feel some mysterious entitlement to those freebies, but are so entrenched with that belief that they even feel the right to complain if those freebies aren’t quite what they want and see nothing wrong with attacking the person giving them something for nothing. They don’t quite understand the concept that they’re getting what they paid for.

Maybe having been poor as a child and having pretty good parents has given me a different outlook on life. I had to pay my way through college. I had to buy my first car. There was never a moment when I expected my parents to pay for these things. They barely were making ends meet as it was. I never had a chance to grow up feeling privileged. I know somebody at work that was going to give his daughter his six year-old car when he bought a new one and she refused it because the car wasn’t cool looking. I cannot even begin to imagine how spoiled this kid had to be to expect that she had a choice in what her first car could be–at least not till the guy actually took out another loan to get his angel a cool brand new car. Every time I see a news story at Christmas time about idiot parents standing in line for a day to get the fad toy of the year, I see more reasons why kids grow up with messed up values. They weren’t told “no” often enough as kids when they wanted something.

You’ve got to chuckle at people who claim they cannot afford $10-$20 for access to a paysite. What’s that, 2-4 hours at a minimum wage job where a week of afternoons will set them up for a year’s membership?–Or cutting out a couple packs of cigarettes?–Or bringing in water from home instead of buying sodas from vending machines for a week? It’s not the kind of money that requires mortgaging the home. Generally, if a person can afford a computer and internet access, coughing up ten bucks isn’t going to break the bank. Sometimes money’s tight and hard decisions have to be made where discretionary money is spent, but $10-$20 for thousands of photos isn’t an insurmountable amount of money or a particularly bad deal. Much as modeling seems like a glamorous job, I don’t know many bondage models that earn enough income that it’s their full-time job. Their regular job is often something like waitressing or some other low paying job that has flexible hours so that they can do shoots without too much hassle. There’s usually no health benefits or retirement plans. Modeling is a youth oriented job, so work declines as models age. If you like a particular model, and getting a membership doesn’t require a monthly trip to the blood bank, kick in a little money at the model’s paysite to show some appreciation.

Posted by Richard on Tuesday, April 04, 2006 at 9:52 PM

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Charlzm

I remember that modest little site back in the day. HAd some of Lorelei’s Bettie Page inspired shots of you tied to an upright bed frame or something like that.

Hey, why the hell DID you start charging?!?

Posted by Charlzm on Monday, April 03, 2006 at 11:34 AM

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Richard

I almost wish somebody had named a real example of a photo sharer that had actually shared something they paid for. It would have been nice to shake away some of my pessimism. I do find myself getting more critical of life as I get older. With all the garbage we see through a lifetime, it’s hard not to get cynical.

I can’t say that there will never be a photo sharer that hires a model or buys photos from a photographer. It’s always possible that it may happen, but it’s an unlikely phenomenon. The reason is that the kind of personality that gravitates to giving away the work of a person, who requires that work to earn a living, is not the kind of personality of a person that naturally gives away what they earned and paid for. They’d rather adopt the appearance of generosity by giving away someone else’s property. Even that “generosity” is tainted with the expectation that sharing photos they’ve stolen will result in others sharing photos that they’ve taken from paysites. It’s all about them getting something for nothing.

I finally had some time to look up viral marketing and it’s just another buzz word for word of mouth. “Viral” refers to the act of convincing the original ad viewer to pass along the ad. Hotmail was the prime example given. Everybody that sent a message through Hotmail had a tag line at the bottom that offered a free Hotmail account that enticed the recipient to create an account and every message they sent advertised the service freely. Sportscenter’s funny, imaginative commercials, that get forwarded voluntarily from person to person, are another example of free viral publicity advertising Sportscenter. Word of mouth advertising has been a wanted component as long as advertising has existed. The original ad is just the means to create awareness. True market saturation occurs when customers carry on that marketing. Word of mouth is free advertising that is far more persuasive than the original ad. We’ve all become jaded by advertising and take their claims with a degree of skepticism. When a friend tells us how great a product is or how cool a movie was, we’re a lot more receptive and willing to give the product or movie a try.

Posted by Richard on Saturday, April 08, 2006 at 9:42 AM