Category Archive

Monday, January 14, 2008
Current mood: silly

[this blog entry includes replies that were posted via MySpace]

Hi Lorelei,
I am writing on behalf of the organizers of (bondage convention), to ask if you would have interest in teaching a class at (bondage convention) this year. If so, what would be your requirements to be with us?
(–convention organizer)

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Hello (convention organizer),

For transport I will require:
(2) First class plane tickets, round trip, no stops, Burbank Airport to Chicago O’Hare
(1) Limousine with driver, available each day 10am to 12midnight

Each day of my stay (including partial days) I will need the following:
(1) Personal assistant
(1) Bondage model available from 10 am to 10 pm
(1) Male performer available from 10 am to 10 pm (must be willing to wear gorilla costume)

For accommodations I will require:
(1) Suite consisting of 2+ bedrooms, kitchenette, conference table, living room, high ceilings

Containing:
(1) Pair new bunny slippers (womens)
(2) New purple bandannas, prewashed
(1) Wooden suspension frame
(1) Steel tetruss suspension frame
(1) Box Tic-Tacs (red/cinnamon flavor)

In my hotel room I will require the following items provided and refreshed daily:
(1) Custom-color purple M&Ms, 7-oz bag (unopened)
(1) Fresh pair fuzzy purple socks (womens)
(1) Dozen fresh Lilac-colored roses in vase

Food/drink provided and refreshed daily:
(1) Package of Hickory Farms cheeses, crackers, sausage & dijon mustard (unopened)
(2) Bottles of Apple Juice (refrigerated)
(1) Case of Barq’s Root Beer Cans (refrigerated)
(1) Quart Nonfat Milk (refrigerated)
(1) Tray Deviled Eggs (refrigerated)
(1) Bag of Cheeto’s repackaged as “Cheezy Poofs”
(1) Box Quaker Oats Chewy Bars (peanut-butter/chocolate chunk flavor NO VARIETY PACK!)
(1) Deli-style tray of fresh fruit (must include grapes and strawberries) and raw cut vegetables with Ranch Dip
(6) Bottled water
(1) Dannon strawberry yogurt
(1) Finger-sandwich assortment platter
(1) Jar sweet mini pickles

At 10 pm each night I will need a meal delivered to the room containing the following:
(1) Personal-size goat-cheese pizza
(1) Order chinese food of sesame chicken (saucy) with fried rice, plus warm won-tons
(1) Olga’s(tm) Cheese Dog with Olga sauce and cayenne pepper, plus Olga’s(tm) curly fries

Just kidding… Wanted to give y’all a giggle. I don’t think I’ll be able to attend.

Have fun,

–Lorelei

11:34 PM - 8 Comments - 5 Kudos

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Lorelei

BTW if you don’t get what I was doing here, visit
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/index.html

Posted by Lorelei on Monday, January 14, 2008 at 11:57 PM

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Duct Tape Messiah

Was going to say, that’s one hell of a rider you’ve got there. You forgot to arrange the M and Ms in separate brandy glasses

Posted by Duct Tape Messiah on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 at 8:45 PM

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RACH

HAHA, Okay you had me for a mintue…As I read I keep thinking Lorelei is just not like this (rude lol )
Hope you have fun I sure miss that side of my life, I havn’t been to a party or a event in ALONG time…
Miss you too
Nice to see you online and in good spirits:)
xoxo

Posted by RACH on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 at 8:45 PM

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Pete Puma

I love the Cheesy Poofs…As long as they are not delivered by Mr. Hanky.

As always, you rock!

Posted by Pete Puma on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 at 8:46 PM

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Domanick

“wHAT NO kabola water?

Posted by Domanick on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 at 8:47 PM

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Richard

I’ve gone down the list and I can handle everything but the Olga’s Cheese Dogs. Is that a deal breaker?

Posted by Richard on Wednesday, January 23, 2008 at 7:16 PM

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Current mood: silly

[this post includes replies that were made via MySpace]

I would just like to tell my breasts how much I appreciate them.

When I first got breasts, I was so happy with them. I felt myself up every night. How wonderful and warm and squeezable!

When I first moved to California and didn’t have a boyfriend, I remember lying in bed with two handfuls thinking “This is a waste — two nice breasts and no one here to enjoy them!”

I was just in the shower and realized, hey, I still love these breasts! They’re a blast to soap up. They’re size D now so I can’t grab all of ‘em, but I do my best. Thank goodness Jon has bigger hands than I do.

Ok that’s my soliloquy about my breasts. LOL!

10:52 AM - 16 Comments - 13 Kudos

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Charlzm

Lorelei,

I don’t know if you’ve covered this anywhere, I hope I’m not making a fool of myself by being wrong in my observations and if it’s too personal, then by all means don’t answer, but…

why did you decide to go for the augmentation? I for one can say I thought your breasts were just fine all along.

Posted by Charlzm on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 11:10 AM

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Lorelei

Oh good lord! ROFL!

When I was in high school my breasts were B cups.

By my 30s they were C cups.

I’m in my 40s, have gained a little more weight, and now they’re D cups.

No doctoring was necessary.

Posted by Lorelei on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 11:15 AM

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Charlzm

Color me embarrassed, then. I saw the increase from the Kristine Imboch days through to current photos and just assumed the increase must have been… unnatural.

Pardon me if I offended.

There are just so many augmentations out there that, without evidence to the contrary, I just assume most any woman in the adult industry with larger than B cups has probably gone under the knife.

Oops.

Posted by Charlzm on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 12:05 PM

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Pete Puma

And a lovely soliloquy it is! Your breasts are indeed a wonderful sight to behold. Jon is one lucky fellow! No doubt about that!

Posted by Pete Puma on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 11:12 AM

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BBQ

Hi Lorelei,

I just want to say that I love your breasts too. Infact, I love all of you.

Posted by BBQ on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 12:48 PM

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Tess

In honor of your breasts I have made a donation here http://www.komen.org/ It is the home page of the Susan G. Koman Breast Cancer Foundation. Like you, I love mine, and I intend to help to make sure we all have ours for all our lives…

Tess

Posted by Tess on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 4:17 PM

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Richard

As you’re no doubt noticing, everybody else seems to appreciate your breasts too. I’ve been a longtime fan.

One of the unfair aspects of life is that you can do an ode to your breasts and it comes across as cute and funny.

If a guy were to write a soliloquy about his penis, it would be seen as crass and egotistical. For all I know, I could have been named for mine if my parents had seen some potential in the infant they saw. I don’t really know why “Dick” became a nickname for “Richard”. The letter “R” sounds a lot different than the letter “D”. The most famous Richard is the medieval king, Richard the Lionhearted. Maybe he didn’t earn the title “lionhearted” solely for the lion’s heart. I can’t really say that I play with it. Most of the time, it’s just in the way and playing the morning ritual of “avoid the zipper”. Although it does allow me to write my name in the snow, that’s a feat which has very little demand in the real world.

Unfortunately, the penis has a bad reputation and is viewed by society as an awful thing. It’s covered up as much as possible whereas breasts are prominently and publicly on display. Entire industries exist to enhance and show off breasts. Women can enjoy looking at breasts as much as guys do, but the same cannot be said about the lowly male member.

There’s no question that breasts are enjoyed by many. In this politically correct society, men are not supposed to notice them. A woman can wear a padded bra that thrusts them forward and pushes them together. She can wear a low cut top that draws attention to them. Yet, men are not supposed to look. How can we not? I try not to stare at a woman’s breasts. I know it’s impolite. I know that they are not the measure of a woman’s character. Yet, there they are. I try to look away, yet they keep drawing my gaze back. I try to get my eyes out of there, but they keep pulling me back.

Anyway, I’m happy to hear that you’re in a silly mood. If you ever hear of a good bargain on a used time machine, let me know. I’d like to go back in time to that period when you were alone in Cali.

Now, excuse me while I try to see if there’s a Breastaholics Anonymous in my town.

Posted by Richard on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 5:46 PM

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Richard

Oh well, it doesn’t appear that I’ll be penning that masterpiece. Unlike breasts, which are primarily composed of fatty tissue, the lowly penis isn’t and gains no benefit from increased weight. In fact, the poor little bugger only shrinks a bit with age. When a woman puts on weight, some of it goes into the fatty tissue of the breasts, making them larger. If Lorelei could somehow bottle whatever it is about her physiognomy that channeled half her weight gain into her breasts, she’d never have to worry about money again. Of course, if that could happen, plastic surgeons would be taking a hit contract out on her. The last thing they want to see is a natural means to move fat from a woman’s body to her breasts resulting in larger breasts and less body fat, killing two of their profitable surgical procedures.

Even if my penis were fortunate enough to grow more impressive with age, I doubt that I’d want to talk about it. I’d rather talk about breasts any day of the week. After all, I don’t have them. It’s just as well I don’t have breasts. If I did, I’d never leave the house.

At least there’s one woman who won’t beat me up for staring inappropriately. Is copious drooling okay?

signed
A notorious fan

Posted by Richard on Friday, June 30, 2006 at 4:29 PM

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Duct Tape Messiah

Never met a pair I didn’t like. No such thing as too big or too small regardless or what people think. What is the size of a perfect breast, you may well ask? so long as it reach from the woman’s chest to my lips or the ends of my fingers, it’s picture perfect.

Posted by Duct Tape Messiah on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 at 7:58 PM

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Richard

Oh drat…now I’m getting breast envy.

Posted by Richard on Thursday, June 29, 2006 at 3:35 PM

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Feeling No Pain

your breasts and nipples are very nice
thank you

Posted by Feeling No Pain on Saturday, July 08, 2006 at 5:54 AM

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Richard

A&E has a two-hour documentary tonight (and repeated much later in the wee hours) on Cleavage.

I’ll be thinking about you.

Posted by Richard on Friday, July 21, 2006 at 5:26 PM

Saturday, April 22, 2006
Current mood: in hysterics

I just love the first three ‘man on the street’ quotes here:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/47519

Sunday, January 08, 2006
Current mood: amused

Someone just sent me this message: “Do you actually talk for yourself? See, I wonder if you do this as a business or if you actually enjoy this as well…”

I get questions like this a lot. People think I’m not real, or not really into bondage, or they think I’m lying about running my bondage sites and that actually some man is doing it (”women can’t write html”), etc.

I’ve decided to answer this person’s question in public, so that hopefully the next 10 people who were gonna email me asking if I’m real, might read this first.

Dear (insert name),

On the ‘net I write constantly about my personal feelings about bondage — in my blogs, forum, and yahoo group. In the rw community I’ve been active for about 12 years, playing at bondage parties and teaching bondage classes. On my sites you can read my early bondage diaries, and personal biographies, and there are a lot of pictures of me tied up by Jon where it’s pretty obvious the pictures were taken before and after we had bondage sex. I webmaster my own sites (poorly, I admit) in my own words.

Overall, I would say my presence on the internet and in the Scene is at the level of Publicly Obnoxious.

Yet I still regularly get emails from people asking me to respond individually, to prove that I’m for real. What more am I to write as proof, if they didn’t read any of the one-million self-absorbed words I already wrote?

So if you’ve somehow missed the fact that I’m an obnoxiously obsessed bondage freak, please go take a second look at my websites or something.

And don’t forget to read the words instead of just looking at the pictures.